Hi Doc,
I don’t have a problem getting a woman to love me, but I can’t seem to get her to keep loving me. I seem to be able to make it as far as about six months in a relationship, but by the seventh or eighth month every woman leaves me.

I’m a cool guy and I make very good money. Nevertheless I’m always getting dumped and I can’t figure out why. The freaky thing is that I never see it coming. When they leave it’s always ends with a big argument that comes out of nowhere.

Can you tell me the signs to look for to tell that a woman is getting turned off so that I don’t get ambushed again? And could you also give me some tips about what I might be doing wrong that keeps making these women want to bail on me?
Craig – who is tired of losing

Hi Craig,
When a woman decides to leave a man with whom she’s been in a committed relationship, her romantic Interest Level towards him, in most cases, does not suddenly drop from say 95% to 39%. Rather, her feelings of affection and romance toward her partner have been eroded slowly by the man’s behavior and have finally sunk so low that she’d prefer to throw up than spend another day with him.

While this process is taking place, sadly, the man is usually cluesless that the woman’s romantic feelings towards him are diminishing. Only when her Interest Level has sunk below the point of no return is the hapless chap informed that he is history.

How and why does this happen?

Lets take as an example, a typical guy who is clinically sane and not abusive or an alcoholic or drug addict. Furthermore let’s assume he’s basically a good guy with a job, who’s responsible and has integrity.

When he gets dumped, it’s usually because he’s either being too nice, too available, too vulnerable and sweet, too predictable or too malleable and easily controlled so that she looses respect for him and her sexual attraction towards him dies a slow death. He is then no longer her romantic hero and she no longer sees him as mysterious or a Challenge in any way, although she once did.

Craig, what you probably do as time goes by, is get too comfortable with your girlfriend and you start to share too much about your personal insecurities. Or you don’t take a stand and say the word “no” when it’s appropriate, or you let her think that you can’t live without her.

So instead Craig, when you start out with a woman, don’t change your behavior as the months go by. You must be doing a lot of things right because you’re getting past sixty days with all these gals. So keep doing all the things that made these women fall in love with you initially, and don’t adopt any of these bad habits that I’ve described.

Now let me share some of the warning signs that you can use as feedback to let you know that you’re getting off track and need to correct your course with your next girlfriend. When a good relationship starts to go south, 90% of the time it goes down something like this:

First, there is the Getting That Strange Feeling Stage. This is when a woman’s feelings toward her boyfriend or husband, subtly begin to shift. She herself may not even be aware of such a change, although she does find it curious that she isn’t laughing as hard at her man’s jokes any longer. Nor does she touch him in public anymore the way she did in the good old days.

An objective observer would notice that her enthusiasm towards her partner has become muted. Still, she has warm feelings for him, although she admits to herself she can’t quite understand why she stared so long at the handsome new office manager at work. She even had a tingling sensation in her stomach.

These changes are occurring because all the things that her guy has been doing to lower her interest level are finally starting to take their toll. At this point her romantic Interest Level towards him is hovering somewhere between 51% and 60%.

Second, there is the Constant Arguing and Making up Stage. This is when her waning feelings cause her to start arguments. She will do things that she knows will upset her partner, hoping that he will do her dirty work for her – break up the relationship. But like most men he doesn’t have any idea that this is happening.

She is usually guilt-wracked at this stage and seldom departs for good because pity is the final vestige of emotion she has left for him. At this point, her romantic interest level has sunk to somewhere between 40% and 49%. Her body is there with him but not her heart.

Finally, there is the Armaggedon Blowup Stage. This is when she gets into a bitter, climactic argument with her man during which she will usually climb up on her soapbox (she probably instigated the quarrel herself) and act outraged that her man would dare lose his temper at such a “trivial thing” (she conveniently forgot they had a date for his father’s surprise birthday party and instead went out clubbing with her girlfriends).

With self-righteous indignation, she will inform the unfortunate guy that their relationship is irrevocably terminated. The guy of course is stunned by such a “sudden” breakup. In reality it wasn’t sudden al all. Her Interest level started at 95% and sank to below 40% over time – and that’s when she leaves.

So, remember guys, always be a Challenge and you’ll never get set up to take a fall.

No related posts.

For the last three months I’ve been trying what you recommend. I’ve been asking every single attractive woman that I meet (that I have any interest in) for her phone number. What’s interesting is that I’ve run into a lot of girls who won’t give me their number but they ask me for mine.

The problem is that not one of the girls who has asked for MY number (and there’s been about fifteen since April) have ever called me, not one. I don’t get it. I mean I can understand why a girl might not want to give her number out to a guy she barely knows at all. But if they’re never going to call, then why do they even ask for my number in the first place? I know that one of women’s biggest complaints is that guys ask for their number and then never call. Well I’m here to tell you that women do the same thing!

So what’s the deal Doc? Am I doing something wrong? Is there something I should be saying when I give them my number that would make them actually follow through and dial my digits? What do you think?
Lloyd – who just doesn’t get it

Hi Lloyd,
As they say in Australia “good on ya” for having the guts to close so many cuties for their phone number. All of you guys have to get how vitally important it is to become totally comfortable saying the 5 magic words: ”What’s your home phone number?” Why? Because it is the first time you check her Interest Level.

Now, Lloyd, allow me to clear up your confusion. Below is a breakdown of the six types of women you will encounter when you’re out in the field, closing for their home phone numbers. You’ve probably run into most of them in your new adventures. But now you are going to have a full understanding of their behavior.

1) Women who give you their number despite the fact that they have no interest in you whatsoever and hope that you never will call. They give you the number to placate you and to get rid of you. Why do they do this? Because they can’t say the “N” word (No) to your face. They want to look good. They still want your approval. They don’t want you to think that they are unkind.

They’ve been taught that the male ego is fragile and that they have to always make nice. So they’d rather give you the number and then have you leave 27 messages and turn you down passively, by screening their calls and never returning yours. The Reality Factor says that the answering machine – because it screens out the flies – is their favorite weapon.

2) Women who get sadistic pleasure out of giving men false hope. They give their number out to every guy who asks for it. Then they have wine and cheese parties for their girlfriends where they all sit around and laugh themselves silly as they play back the messages of the various ‘chumps’ of the week. These poor guys naively believed in their heart that their potential date was sincere when she exuberantly said: “Call me!”

3) Women who will give you their number and will go out with you but still have no interest in you (Professional Daters). They’ll run your Visa bill up sky high even though you don’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of every having a relationship with them.

4) Women who won’t give you their number but still like to waste your time and manipulate you with various excuses, explanations and confusing maneuvers, i.e.: “I don’t give out my number to guys I don’t know, but give me yours and I’ll call you.” Women in this group are also incapable of saying no to your face.

5) Women who won’t give you their number but are honest and say: “Thanks for asking but I’m not interested, so I won’t waste your time by giving you my number”. A rare breed. There are only about 6 or 7 women on the entire face of the planet who would be this forthright.

6) Women who give you their number because they are interested in you and they want to go out with you. For some strange reason, they give it to you along with positive body language and without hesitation.

Lloyd, to answer your question specifically, the only thing you’re doing wrong is believing these women when they tell you that they’ll call you. You want to be spending time and energy only on women who have high interest in you, and a woman with high interest in you will not ask you for your number without giving you hers.

So the next time a girl says, ”Give me your number and I’ll call you,” here’s what to do. First, realize that you’ve already been disqualified. You’re going down in flames, even though she’s trying to make it look as if you’re not. But since you are, relax and have fun with it. Look her in the eye and say: “Do guys still fall for that line?” Or, “You know, I don’t feel comfortable giving my number out to someone I don’t know either.” Then give her a big smile, say “Nice talking to you,” and walk away.

Remember, guys, always ask for the HOME phone number.

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Last week I had my first great date with this really hot babe named Felice. Things went really well. We had Sushi at my favorite restaurant and then we went swing dancing. When I walked her to her door at the end of the evening, she invited me in, and we wound up making out on her couch like two high school kids.

I didn’t push anything even though I feel like I probably could have. When I finally left, she walked me back out to my car and gave me another very nice kiss and said, “call me” just before I drove off. The problem I’m facing now is that I’ve left three messages on her answering machine, the last one was three days ago, and she still hasn’t called me back. And I know that she’s not out of town or anything.

But there’s more to the story….

Yesterday I was talking to this other girl Cindy who knows Felice. They’re not close friends but they know each other. So I was asking Cindy why she thought Felice hasn’t called me back yet and Cindy told me that she was pretty sure that Felice was “a rules girl.”

Now I had no friggin idea what that meant, but Cindy quickly educated me. It seems that there’s this book that many women have read called ‘The Rules’. And “rules girls” always follows the rules in this book. Well one of the rules in ‘The Rules’ is that a woman should almost never return a man’s phone calls because if she does, then he will know that she likes him and she will loose her advantage over him.

I couldn’t believe it. I mean that sounded so rude and manipulative. So I went to the bookstore, and lo and behold, it’s totally for real. I kid you not. Rule number #5 in ‘The Rules’ says, and I quote: “Don’t Call Him And Rarely Return His Calls” And in that section it says; “Don’t worry about seeming rude, men always call again.” Unbelievable!

After I got over the initial shock of my discovery, I started to get really angry. Isn’t it women who are always accusing us men of playing games? What a bunch of hypocrites!

But now I’ve got to deal with this. I know that if Felice isn’t a “rules girl” then I should just forget her because if she were interested she would have called back by now. But if she is a “rules girl” then she still could be interested and is waiting for me to call back again, so I’ll have to keep calling her until I get her in person because she’s not going to call me back.

But, I keep getting her answering machine whatever time of day or night I call. (I’ve hung up on the machine all the other times that I’ve called and have only left 3 messages total, like I said) So it appears that she’s screening her calls and if she’s screening her calls, then I’ll always have to talk to her machine to tell if she’s home or not. But every time I talk to her machine and she doesn’t pick up, I’ll be leaving another message and pretty soon I’m going to look like a stalker. What the hell do I do? How can I short-circuit this “Rules” craziness? All I want to do is get her out on another date.
Dan -who doesn’t want to play by ‘The Rules’

Dear Dan,
I feel for you bro. This is a typical example of the mind games that some women play and you’re taking a beating. Here’s a girl who, you’d bet the family farm, was dying to hear from you, but when you try to make the next connection, all you get is static. Of course any guy who’s a dating veteran knows that this kind of behavior is all too common. I tell ya, women!

But don’t worry Dan; let’s get all our facts straight and then we’ll use our counter intelligence to neutralize this feminine assault on your sanity.

The book, ‘The Rules – Time-tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right’ (note the word ‘capture’ in the title) was published in 1995 and has always been controversial since the day it hit the streets. Essentially, ‘The Rules’ tells women, that when they meet a man whom they are strongly attracted to, they should take no initiative to connect with him in any way and that they should act exactly the same way they would if they had no interest in him whatsoever. Makes a lot of sense, doesn’t it?

Check it out, here are some more choice, verbatim quotes from ‘The Rules’: “It’s never necessary to make eye contact with a man…. avoid staring romantically into a man’s eyes…. treat men you are interested in like you would any other client or patient or coworker….don’t talk to men first.” ‘The Rules’ is only really useful for women who are very needy and clingy or very pushy and way too aggressive, but the average gal has generally found that if she sticks to ‘The Rules’, they backfire on her.

In the ensuing years since the publication of this book, ‘The Rules’ has come to be looked upon with disdain by many relationship experts, but a great deal of damage has already been done and continues to be done by ‘The Rules’. I hesitate to even begin to estimate how many thousands of women wound up having great guys whom they were very interested in, pass them over because those women, while practicing ‘The Rules’, failed to give the man an encouraging look or smile. I cringe when I contemplate how many women were written off as rude and inconsiderate or just not interested because they never returned the guy’s call (even though they were dying to go out with him!)

Fortunately, many women have wised up and spread the word that ‘The Rules’ is for losers. But guys, there still are plenty of “rules girls” running rampant in the land of love, so be aware.

Dan, I never recommend leaving messages on a woman’s answering service or her answering machine until you’ve made it past the first two months. But since you’ve already gone (way too far) down that road, we’ll just deal with the situation as is.

When you mentioned that you thought that Felice would have called back by now if she were interested in you, that was a half-truth. If she was really interested in you (and she wasn’t a die hard “rules girl”) she would have returned your call after the first message you left.

The only other plausible explanation for her not calling you back is that she is indeed a hard core “rules girl.” I have just three things to say about that: If she’s so insecure that she needs to follow ‘The Rules,’ you don’t want to be with her anyway. If she’s calculating and manipulative enough to be using ‘The Rules’, you don’t want to be with her anyway. If she’s a “rules girl” who likes to make a man jump through more hoops than a circus tiger, you don’t want to be with her anyway.

Putting aside the issue of whether she’s a “rules girl,” if you’ve called all those times and have always gotten her answering machine, then it’s pretty obvious that she is, unfortunately, a full-time call screener. That in itself is a bad sign. Why do most attractive young women who screen their calls on a full time basis do that? Well, it’s almost always because they are continually giving their phone numbers out to and flirting with guys whom they never want to talk to again, and in your case, Dan, it sounds as if you’re getting screened out.

Even though she is a full-time screener, if she had high interest in you Dan, she would at least temporarily suspend her habit of screening all her calls because she was dying to hear from you. She’d be worried about what an awkward position her screening would be putting you in. The Reality Factor says that when women like you, they help you!

At this point Dan, “rules girl” or not, blow her off. You’ve already gone way beyond the call of duty. And stop trying to figure out why she’s given you mixed messages. You’re wasting your mind, and a mind is a terrible thing to waste. If this girl somehow resurfaces and calls you, apologizes profusely for her tardiness and begs to see you again, you can put her on probation and give her another shot. But whatever you do, do not call her again and leave another message.

Remember guys – If she’s “a rules girl”or simply a screener, it’s best to rule her out.

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