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These days everybody talks about body language – performance experts, life coaches, gossip columnists and dating gurus.

But do you know what body language is?

The dictionary gives this definition to ‘body language’: “The gestures, postures, and facial expressions by which a person manifests various physical, mental, or emotional states and communicates nonverbally with others.”

I have been interested in body language for years, and after reading a few dozens of books, all you need to know can be summarized in 4 simple points:

1. Body Language Is A Form Of Communication

Whether you realize it or not, your body sends unmistakable signals to people around you. You DO communicate VOLUMES of information about yourself with your posture, face expression and position of your arms and legs. You do it ALL THE TIME.

In other words, before you even open your mouth, the people around you have already made a certain opinion about you – and as you know, first impressions last.

Body language accounts for 55% of your communication with the people you actually talk to (and nearly 100% of your communication with the people you don’t know yet). The other 45% of your interactive communication is the VOICE TONE and ACTUAL WORDS. The words themselves account for only 7% of your communication.

All in all, your body language and the tone of your voice make up a whopping 93% of your communication with other people!

This means that HOW you say it is 13 times MORE important than WHAT you say.

Most people are spending all their time thinking of WHAT to say. While they could have learned only once HOW to say it – and say nearly anything with grandiose success.

What to know how?
Read on.

2. There Is OPEN Body Language and CLOSED Body Language

The definitions are transparent: ‘open’ body language makes you look like an open, accepting and friendly person, and ‘closed’ body language makes you look reserved, distant and unwelcoming.

When you want people to be attracted to you, use open body language. When you want people to go away, use closed body language.

It’s THAT simple.

3. OPEN Body Language Means NO Crossing, Covering or Hiding

Open body language is easy to master: look them in the eyes, don’t cross your arms or legs, don’t cover your body, and don’t hide your palms and eyes.

That’s it!

This is not too complicated, is it?

Let me break it down into pieces for you:

- LOOK THEM IN THE EYES: maintain eye contact at all times during your conversation.

Looking people in the eyes is the most important part of the open body language. It has been scientifically proven that long gazes evoke the release of the same hormones that are produced when we are in love – they will feel attracted to you and won’t even know why.

- KEEP YOUR PALMS OPEN: Keep your hands on the sides of your body; don’t hide your hands in your pockets and don’t sit on them.

Don’t fold your arms or clench your fists. Don’t cover your body with your arms. Don’t grab a drink or handbag with both hands. Don’t touch your face, ears or neck – this shows insecurity and anxiety.

If you need to hold something in your hands, hold it with ONE hand only and keep it to the side, so your arm doesn’t cover your body. If the conversation is going to be longer than a couple of replicas, put down anything you hold. Get a shoulder bag to keep your hands free at all times.

- KEEP YOUR LEGS UNCROSSED: Don’t cross your legs on any level. Keep them apart.

- TURN YOUR BODY TOWARDS THEM: Turn your whole body to face them. Point your feet towards them; turn your torso face-to-face, so the angle between you and them is minimal.

- STAND TALL: You appear more confident and assured when you do.

- REMOVE BARRIERS BETWEEN YOU AND THEM: Don’t put chairs, or glasses, or anything else between you and the person you are talking to. Keep it open.

- SMILE EASILY: There is a world of difference between smiling easily and smiling all the time.

Smiling all the time means you are feeling tense and trying to cover it up. Smiling easily means you feel comfortable and can open up into smile any time you want.

If you tend to smile all the time when meeting strangers, try to deliberately DON’T smile. Look them in the eyes, and keep a friendly, tall, and open posture – but DON’T SMILE. When you master that, start smiling after a minute or two in your conversation.

Start practicing open body language with shop assistants and bank tellers: they are PAID to be nice to you. Notice what a difference it has on your communication.

4. CLOSED Body Language Means Crossing, Covering or Hiding

Sometimes you don’t want to attract certain people; this is what you need to do in such cases:

- Don’t look them in the eyes;
- Fold your arms or hide your hands in the pockets;
- Turn your body away from them;
- Cross your legs and point your feet away from them;
- Put barriers between you and them;
- Frown, or smile all the time a strained smile.

This will make them feel uncomfortable and they will try to avoid you.

You see, body language is not complicated at all.

In any social situation, you can see how the people around you feel. Most of them will display ‘closed’ body language – and you know what does it mean, they feel uncomfortable and apprehensive.

Which means that if you display the ‘open’ body language, you will be irresistibly attractive. They won’t know why but feel drawn to you. People usually describe it as, “You have something special about you”, or “a presence”.

If you start consciously ‘open’ yourself to other people, you will notice the change in your communication almost immediately. Open body language makes you appear more approachable and trustworthy. It will also make you feel more comfortable and relaxed in any situation.

Remember, your body language tells MORE about you than your words. Use it to your advantage!

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Elena Solomon is a dating coach.
She is the author of several bestselling e-books about love and dating. Her latest book “12 Simple Rules for Success” is telling you exactly how you can become more successful in love and dating.
www.12SimpleRules.com
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Thursday’s Dating Tip

Take out a piece of paper right now, and write down your one single favorite way to start a conversation with a woman.

Next, plan out EXACTLY how it should go in your mind.

Next, mentally rehearse this scenario over and over and over until you have it clearly in your mind.

Finally, go out tomorrow night and use this one introduction to meet 10 women.

The next day, sit down again for a few minutes and think about how it worked for you.

Think about ways you could improve your approach, and if you come up with some good innovations, go ahead and do the same process of mentally rehearsing the new ideas until you have them down.

Thursday’s Dating Tip

Looks and money will allow you to hang out in places like the South Of France, where a drink is forty bucks… and there are lots of babes there. But here’s the KEY…

A guy who is AMAZINGLY handsome and SUPER rich will still fail MOST of the time with the women he interacts with if his PERSONALITY isn’t together. And especially if he’s too much of a WUSSY.

On the other hand, a guy who REALLY understands what makes women feel ATTRACTION, and knows how to interact with them in a way that grabs their attention and keeps it can succeed often, even if he’s broke and ugly.

You’ll notice that the rich and handsome guys that are the REAL mac daddies are the ones who ALSO understand women – and have Cocky, Funny, Dominant personalities as well.

Learn To Meet DOZENS Of Women Every Month Using Nothing But Your Home Computer!
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You’re going to learn three big things in this article. Things so simple and obvious but until you know you will continue making the same mistakes and missing the same opportunities with women.

You’ve been there and failed, rushing out with your tail between your legs.

Wussy!

She’s only a girl. And once you know how to make her laugh you’ll never need to worry about being rejected, or not even having the balls enough to talk to her in the first place.

Trust me, I’ve all ready been there and I’ve already done that.

You’re going to learn three big things in this article. Something that every guy shares with his guy friends but no one ever acts on or they figure it’s too hard to do and they continue failing with women

• You’re going to learn how to talk to women.
• You’re going to learn how to get a girl’s phone number or email address and turn that into a date the next day.
• Most importantly you’re going to learn that you can be more of a man than you think you are.

The very first girl that I felt an instant attraction to was this red-headed beauty. I first saw her at a bus stop, we were waiting for the same bus. Even
though I was awestruck by her looks I did manage to find my tongue enough times to introduce myself (it was winter so I said to her “I’m glad to share my weather with you” or something like that. We didn’t chat much, the bus arrived and that was that. I didn’t know her but she was friends with some of my friends. Getting closer to her was easy.

We both ended up at the same party a couple of weeks after that first magic moment. Up to that point I was able to find out what her name was and that
she wasn’t dating anyone. Prime news.

The party was fun, I was early, she was late. I hung out with my friends, loser singles all of them (LOL), then decided, right then and there, that rejection just couldn’t happen, not that night. I approached her and sat beside her. The first thing I said was “I was hoping you’d show up”. Surprisingly enough saying the truth was a good move because she replied “I was hoping you’d be here too.”

We chatted and had a couple of dances, chatted some more. The first slow dance that we had together I whispered in her ear “I’d really like to kiss you”. The song ended and she took me by the hand into another room and kissed me. We kissed a lot the rest of the night. It was a good night.

What you and I learned: be direct, be honest, stay in the moment.

I wasn’t really a chick magnet in my teens and twenties. I had to work hard to create situations that allowed for introductions to be made to the women I liked. It goes without saying that until I changed this strategy I didn’t have many dates at all. I spent more time as a single guy getting drunk every weekend, and finishing the weekend still without even a phone number of a girl to call, than I did even meeting women all the rest of the week. What I learned from this was that:
1) I was a wussy, and
2) I had no real clue how to approach attractive women or what to say to them.

Once my game changed, and I used a set plan that I could use on almost any woman, in almost any place and situation, my confidence soared and so did my success with women. Now, I wasn’t a “serial dater” by any stretch of the imagination but I became popular and even though a lot of introductions led to dates, not all of them ended up in bed, but I did have a good network of female friends, and they gave me great references to their friends to date me.

Thank you ladies!

The change happened when I realized the overwhelming stupidity of my fellow man and could make a story up about them and get a laugh out of a girl, then ask for her phone number, get it, and call her to meet me somewhere the next afternoon to hang out.

Asking her to meet me for a coffee or an afternoon dessert gave me unpressured time to find out more about her, talk a little about myself and generally decide whether she’d be worth a second date or not. Most of the women were worth the second date, but not many made it to the third.

If you need some funny, true and fresh stories go to the Reuters news web site and read the “Oddly Enough” section. These short and strange stories are always great conversation fodder. And it’s even more fun when you say you say the girl’s name in the article or say this is what happened to a friend. If she doesn’t believe you, pull out your phone and look it up. So you’re mistaken about her name being in the article… you did gain a couple more precious minutes in her company. And while you have your phone out get her email.

What you and I both learned: Have some funny stories on hand, ones that can be slightly changed to tease her with and don’t be afraid to ask her for her name/number/email and call her the next afternoon to meet you soon for coffee, dessert (my favorite choice) and keep things easy going.

As I got older introducing myself to women became much easier (ask anyone, doing something a lot of times usually helps you get good at it). And I could make her laugh within the first few minutes which helps women put down their “Automatic Player Repeller” guard.

It is surprising but it is true. As you practice something it does get easier to do. And that if something is really something you want to do well, practice and learning need to be part of your plan. A man is defined not only by his family, friends and career. He is also defined by what he does in his personal life and how he manages his personal moments.

If you’re like I was a few years ago, you’ve got to pick up your personal game. And you’ve got to bring your personal practices into the other aspects of your life. Positive change is not changing the oil in your car, it’s changing the car and the driver inside.

You can only make the most of your moments when you can appreciate what they are and when they happen. Stop hiding in the shadows. Step away from that wall.

Learn to have the time of your life and some awesome personal improvements too.

Thursday’s Dating Tip

She broke up with you and you want her back. You’re never going to make her feel any attraction for you again by staying in touch, being her friend, and being nice… and by trying to win her over again. It would be nice if things worked that way, but they don’t.

If you really want her back, you’ve got to get your life back on track first. Date other women, be scarce to her and maybe, just maybe, she’ll realize why she fell for you the first time. Anything else and you’re just being a wuss that hasn’t learned and doesn’t stand a chance of dating her again!